I have a supremely good memory. So, I’ll try to use it to the
best of my ability right now. This coming-of-age story dates back to when I was
4 years old, but the results of this night have stayed with me forever. One day
in May during the fourth year of my existence, a day which happened to be my
parents’ anniversary, I fell over and cracked my head open.
I’m
guessing that I had some sort of obsession with robots at the time, because my
dad had gotten a cardboard box, painted it up, cut head and are holes in it,
and given it to me to run around in. Yes. I was pretending to be a robot.
So, if you
have little siblings, I’m sure you know that when they are young, every corner
in the house is baby-proofed to prevent them from getting too injured if they
fall on a corner. And this was true of my house as well. The only problem was
that the rubber adhesive around the edge of the fireplace didn’t stick to the
fireplace well. And, on this instance, when I was running around in a robot
costume, the rubber wasn’t on the edge.
I don’t
know if any of y’all know what I’m talking about, but when running around in a
cardboard box, your balance and mobility are greatly limited. This story has a
lot to do with that comment on limited balance. I seemed to be backing away
from my couch, lost my balance, and fell backwards.
I don’t remember hitting my head on
the fireplace, or even if it hurt. But, I do remember my grandma scrambling to
call my parents home from their anniversary date. And I do remember sitting in
the backseat of my car with a towel and ice pack stuck to my head to try and
stop the bleeding as we sped towards the hospital.
After this, the only thing I
remember about the injury was getting staples at the hospital, then not being
able to go swimming or do anything active for a while. I know that I had to
skip out on the fun of my cousin John’s 5th birthday party because of my
injury.
As I’m sure you could tell, I have
short hair. Very short. Whenever I seem to sit or stand in front of a new
friend or acquaintance, the question comes up: “Jimmy, what is that huge scar
on the back of your head?” And every time, I have to tell the sob story of me
cracking my head open again. It is just something that has grown with me, and I’m
sure that plenty of future employers, employees, friends, girlfriends, random
homeless men, and chipmunks will ask me where it came from. Maybe not the
chipmunks, but a talking chipmunk would be pretty cool. Anyways, I guess it is
just part of me; a part of me that’s just as good as the rest of me.
Quite the traumatic experience! I think getting hurt is almost a requirement as a boy. Testing the boundaries of your ability--running faster, jumping higher, playing harder--is part of growing up. But, we're all bound to fall eventually and the faster you go, the harder you fall. If only physics wasn't so cruel. Luckily though, you only came away with a conversation starter and no lasting damage.
ReplyDeleteTo flesh out this sketch into a full story you might think about:
1. Describing you running around in the robot suit more before the accident, creating more of a build-up to the event.
2. Adding more imagery to your description of the trip to the hospital. It sounds like an intense part of the story, but it doesn't really have time to develop.
3. Changing the style of the story to make it more active. For example, if you can remember any dialogue between your grandparents I think that would increase the suspense.
I must see this scar. But seriously, that’s a pretty funny story in retrospect. I’m surprised you don’t have some deep seeded phobia of robots because of that event (or if you do you certainly hide it very well). I totally have done the same thing before…but as a 14 year old. My friends and I, dressed as cardboard robots, went to a nearby grocery store to purchase batteries for “our dying friend.”
ReplyDeleteHi Jimmy, Great description. I think Ryan is right about the details. Use a lot of visual description and details to allow readers to "see" what you are writing about. Also be sure to include the who, what, where, and when, which also helps readers to visualize. This is a great piece that could be developed. Even if your super memory does not have all of details, you can make up what you need. There are no fact-checkers who will examine your description for accuracy. dw
ReplyDelete